A long time ago in a world that seems so far away I have a beautiful baby girl. She was so sweet and just perfect. She never cried, she was always happy, she was the center of my world. She laughed, she played, she entertained herself for hours. I would put her in her stroller and we would go for long walks. We would look at the changing leaves or play in the snow. Life was amazing. Then she turned 18 months and it felt like life just can to a stand still. She started the terrible two stage. She started getting into everything. She stopped listening. Her stubbornness really started to show. She was a handful but I managed. We would try new thing to keep her contained. We would make game plans and follow through and change them up as needed. She was terribly two but she was manageable. Now….just a little more than three months before her 3rd birthday….I no longer feel like life has come to a stand still. I feel like life is I once knew it is over. Lost forever. Never to be reclaimed again. This last couple of weeks have been the most challenging, stressful, incomprehensible time as a mother. Riley wants her way and she wants it NOW! She screams, she kicks, she cries, she throws mirrors on the floor in the middle of Lowe’s, she hits her brother, she kicks her brother, she get into anything and everything the second you take your eyes off her. Forget monster, she has turned into Freddy Kruger. Only I can’t seem to wake up from this nightmare. I can’t take her anywhere. I can stay at home. There is just no escape. Just this morning we had orientation at the daycare so I can start putting her in hourly care a couple days a week so she can socialize and have some play time. She screamed, and whined, and threw an tantrum the whole time we were there. I felt so embarrassed. I felt like a bad parent. All of the other kids were sitting quietly at the table coloring but not Riley. Not my daughter. She wanted to play with the toys but we were asked not to play with the toys. We were asked to color. She didn’t want to color. She wanted to throw the biggest tantrum I have ever seen in my life. In front of an entire room of other parents. I have lost control of my child and right now I am really just at a loss as to what to do. How am I going to deal with this for an entire year, all on my own as a single mom. What is going to be like when her daddy leaves and she is dealing with that stress. I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know how to regain control of my child. Right now, this very second, as she is standing in the doorway of her room screaming at the top of her lungs because she doesn’t want to take a nap for the second day in a row, I understand why people beat their children. Not that I ever would and I won’t but I understand the frustration and the anger that drives them to that point. I understand why some animals eat their young.
